Through a Rapists Eyes - Good Information for Every Woman/Girl: A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts. 1)    The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2)    The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3)    They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off and can be easily overpowered.

4)    The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.

5)    The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public rest-rooms.

6)    The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7)    Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8)    If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time consuming.

9)    These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys
you're not worth it.

10)    Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question,
like what time is it, or make general small talk, I can't believe it is so cold out here or we're in for a bad winter. Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a lineup, you lose appeal as a target.

11)    If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not beafraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12)    If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13)    If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh-HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it hurts.

14)    After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, &he's out of there.

15)    When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16)    Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

AFTER YOU READ THIS, PLEASE REFER THIS PAGE TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW
http://www.womantalk.us/pages/singles.html
If you have daughters please share this with them.

Grief and It’s Impact on Relationship Selection
By Sandra Brown

Grief can have devastating effects on the type of person you choose while you are still actively grieving. Many people do not realize they are grieving so are at-risk of choosing dangerously while being impaired by their grief. Some assume that grief is related only if your partner has recently died and if you are currently still saddened by the loss. But actually grieving occurs when any relationship ends—whether it is anticipated, desired, prepared for, or not. The longer the relationship existed, the longer the grief normally takes.

Persons are often distressed to learn that there should be a ‘time out’ from dating or future relationships when one relationship has ended. The rule of thumb is 6 months time-out for every 5 years of relationship. So if you were with someone (married or not) for 10 years that would suggest you take 1 year off from dating. I get horrified reactions to that because most people think ‘just get your self back out there. The best way to get over someone is with someone else.’

Many of my clients ended up in counseling with me because they did exactly that. While still grieving, they hooked up and made some bad choices which caused them even more problems and pain. When you are coming out of a relationship, you are in pain even if you aren’t acknowledging it, even if you wanted out of the relationship, even if you had planned for the ending of it. When we are in pain, we are not in our best decision making mind. When issues of the previous relationship are not resolved, many people go on to choose someone just like the relationship they just ended. Subconsciously they are trying to work out those issues—but with a new person instead of the one they just left.

Drastically, many people jump from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone. Alone does not necessarily = loneliness. In these cases, people don’t really care about the quality of the next relationship they only desire to avoid themselves. These are issues for the person to work out with a professional. People who cannot be alone are at a significant risk of choosing anyone to avoid being alone.

The baggage we carry from the last relationship has the ability to impact current and future relationships. Ideally, none of us want to hurt new relationships with our old issues that are unresolved. That’s why time off relationships help us get some distance where we can assess the good and bad things of the relationship, our part in it, the types of people who tend to select and whether we need to make some changes. These insights do not happen overnight or even within a few weeks. That is why following the formula listed above protects you from your own impaired choices. Sometimes it allows enough time that you see you might need a few counseling sessions to work out your anger, fear, or look deeper at your dating selection patterns.

The longer we wait and the more we work on ourselves in-between relationships the better chances we have of bringing a more healthy self to the next relationship and being able to spot potential bad dating choices.