It's a date you keep because you want to...

Once a week - a real luxury.

Once a month - a near necessity.

Once every now and then - better than none at all.

Go for coffee. Go to a movie. Go to a mall. Do girl stuff.

Go to a play. Celebrate birthdays. Celebrate anything - make up a reason.

Whatever you do, have fun. Remember, it's not a night for heaviness.

What is a Friend?
by Sharon Hughes

Friend. It's one of those words you can try to define, but like trying to describe love, the definition falls way short of the reality. You know that having a real friend goes deeper than words can describe.

When we were children our friendships meant everything. In order to feel 'normal' you had to have at least one girlfriend. Next to family, friendships are where we learned (or should have learned) to trust, to share and to nurture others who are not the recipients of our natural familia affection. If homelife was rough, friendships were all the more important.

You see, we all need three things in life in order to be fulfilled, happy and emotionally healthy: to be loved, to be accepted and to be included. These three life necessities are not met in any other way than through relationship. The family was designed to be the place where these three are met, with friendships being like the frosting on the cake! Sad to say, this is more the ideal than it is the rule for many.

As our lives grow busier with either family or work responsibilities, our friendships tend to go on the back burner. However, the more complicated our lives become, the more we need friends. While our husband can be our 'best' friend, and together with our children, and other family members love, accept and include us, having girlfriends to go through life with can continue to be an important part of our sense of 'belonging.'

So, I encourage you to make your relationships your top priority. All of them. And to do so with passion! Love with extravagance. Be intentional. Make time for those closest to you. Don't let your tasks be more important than your relationships.Because when all the smoke clears, relationships are really all that matter. Relationship with family, with friends and with God. Everything else fades (or rusts) with time. As a matter of fact, the more fulfilling our relationship with God is, the more fulfilling our relationships with others will be. Because He teaches us how to love others, and how to receive love from them.

We could talk about the effects of painful relationships, but for this month our focus will be on developing and nurturing positive and fulfilling relationships. And I'd love to hear from you about how your girlfriends have made a difference in your life. Would you write back and let me know? You can use this link to email me personally.

The Fast Track is For Racing—Not Relationships!
By Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

We live in an instant society: instant messaging, drive through food, microwaves, text messaging, ipods—just about anything we want NOW we can have. No wonder we have confused technology speed with relational speed. After all, isn’t this the decade of speed dating?

The problem is that there is no way to rush intimacy. Speed dating does not = relationship security and knowledge. There is only one way to know someone and that is through time. There are no short cuts. Many people think that if you substitute the time you would spend with someone over a year of knowing them and squeeze that time into a 24/7 relationship, then you will get the same results. Very often there is an inappropriate pacing in relationships in which people early on begin to spend 24/7 with a new person. They give up their outside hobbies, friends, families, and lifestyles. They think that if someone WANTS to spend 24/7 with them, they must be ‘really into them.’

Over the years as a mental health counselor, I have found there are a number of reasons why people want to rush relationships. Sometimes it’s because they want to usher you into the center of their lives before you find out their history. They want you really tied-in before you find out why no one else has wanted a relationship with them. Other times it is because the person has a hard time being alone. That is never a good sign. The inability to be alone is often related to other mental health issues. Fast paced dating can be a distraction away from their own feelings and issues.

I always suggest that the woman be in charge of the pacing of the relationship. If she has been 24/7 with someone, stop! Not only because it’s unhealthy but also to see what he will do with the changing of the pace. Make other plans, see friends, don’t be so available. Healthy persons will accept the pacing change. They may not like it, but they will honor it. Unhealthy and even dangerous persons will blame, shame, and guilt you. This should be a red flag as to whether this person is someone safe to date.

Rushing a relationship—whether it’s dating 24/7, moving in early together, or marrying within the first year is a mistake that renders not enough time to truly know a person. This includes the persons ‘true’ (as opposed to stated) background, their character, and maybe their own dangerousness. It takes time to build a healthy relationship. It takes no time at all to imitate one.