ELDER CARE & ELDER RAGE: IF I ONLY KNEW THEN--
WHAT I KNOW NOW!
By Jacqueline Marcell, Author, “Elder Rage”

For eleven years I begged my obstinate elderly father to allow a caregiver to help him with my ailing mother, but after 55 years of loving her, he adamantly insisted on taking care of her himself. Every caregiver I hired to help him sighed in exasperation, "Jacqueline, I just can't work with your father--his temper is impossible to handle. I don't think you'll be able to get him to accept help until he's on his knees himself."

My father had always been 90 percent wonderful, but boy-oh-boy that raging temper was a doozy. He’d never turned his temper on me before, but then again, I'd never gone against his wishes either. When my mother nearly died from his inability to care for her, I had to step in and risk his wrath to save her--having no idea that in the process it would nearly cost me my own.

EARLY SIGNS OF DEMENTIA?
I spent three months nursing my mother back to relative "health", while my father, who was telling me he loved me one minute, would get furious about some trivial little thing, call me nasty names and throw me out of the house the next. I was stunned to see him get so upset over the most ridiculous things, even running the washing machine could cause a tizzy, and there was no way to reason with him. It was so heart wrenching to have my once-adoring father turn against me.

I immediately took him to his doctor and was astonished that he could act completely normal when he needed to. I couldn't believe it when the doctor looked at me as if I was the crazy one. She didn’t even take me seriously when I reported that my father had nearly electrocuted my mother and that he’d left the gas stove on and nearly burned the house down. Much later I found out that he’d instructed her not to listen to anything I said, because all I wanted was his money. (Boy do I wish he had some.)

Then things got serious. My father had never laid a hand on me my whole life, but one day he nearly choked me to death with his bare hands for adding HBO to his cable package, even though he had eagerly consented to it just a few days before. Terrified and devastated, I frantically called the police who took him to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. After a couple days of tests and observation, I couldn’t believe it when they released him, saying they couldn't find anything wrong with him. Similar horrifying incidents occurred four times.

CAREGIVERS AT GREAT RISK FOR DEPRESSION
By Jacqueline Marcell, Author, “Elder Rage”

When I had to give up my life to go take care of my elderly parents, both with health problems and starting to develop dementia, I was so surprised to read that caregivers are often more depressed than those they care for, and that those with a chronic illness themselves have a 63% higher death rate than their peers. A year later, without a day off--I was surprised the statistic was that low!

Researchers have found that a person who cares for someone with dementia is twice as likely to suffer from depression than those providing care for someone without it. Since nearly five million people in the U.S. are afflicted with Alzheimer’s Disease (just one form of dementia), and 7 out of 10 are being cared for at home by family and friends who provide 75-80% of their care, millions of caregivers are coping with depression--or are at great risk of developing it.

CAUSE OF DEPRESSION

Depression often occurs when a caregiver becomes overwhelmed trying to manage the numerous responsibilities of caring for an ailing family member or friend, as well as their own busy life. The resulting feelings of exhaustion, sadness, isolation, anxiety and anger, and then the guilt for having those feelings--can exact a heavy toll.

Oftentimes caregivers are so inundated with responsibilities they sacrifice time with their healthy loved ones, their own careers, and physical and emotional needs. Many even ignore their own medical checkups and tests, resulting in their own ailments going undiagnosed and treated. Therefore, it’s critical for caregivers to recognize that they are at great risk of developing depression and/or a serious ailment, and that they need to seek support as soon as their caregiving journey begins.

RELUCTANCE TO SEEK TREATMENT